CANNONS VS. MACHINE: LIVEBLOG

Hey, everybody following along on the interweb and people who found their way here by accident.  My name is Kyle Devitte and I will be your entertainment/source of information/annoyance this evening.  coming to you live from the avian toilet known as the pressbox in Harvard stadium, it’s blog time.

Please excuse misspellings, or at the very least ignore them for the time being.

Just so you know, interns were supposed to be doing this blog, but I beat them to it.  It’s sloppier than a middle school lunch cart to start this game.  Both teams dropping balls and whiffing shots in the first 5 minutes.  Someone needs to score or I’m going to start telling MLL secrets.

And just as I finish typing that sentiment, Kevin Buchanon spins four times in a circle without switching hands and scores.  I mean, I knew the Machine were bad on D, but I didn’t think they were this atrocious. 1-0 Cannons.

9:19 is it too early to say that the Cannons are pulling away?  Mike Stone gets his second goal of his career by dodging…air and hitting net.  Are the Machine playing man down?  Don’t get cocky, Devitte.  This is the MLL everyone makes a run.  Except the Machine. 2-0 Le Tonnere. (That’s French for Cannon.  I’m roughly 28% smarter than you think I am.)

Hustle Simmons returns… Right now I’m making a facebook page to get him fired.  Hold on, I’ll link it in a second.

Here you go: [DELETED. LAME.]

Bill McGlone has been stripped two times so far in this game.  Looks like everyone in the league found out he can only go right and sweep with no dodging ability whatsoever.

5:31 Justin Smith goes to town and scores on Mike “Stop making fun of me Kyle” Gabel. 3-0 Cannons.

Dear god, there’s a Hustle Simmons.com?  Really?

Chazz Woodson gets beasted by Sweeney who goes downfield and throw the rock away.  Now he’s limping.  Injured as usual, Chazz.  Where are all the people that are mad we traded you, again?

Tv timeout…This is on TV?  According to the email I get from Dave Gross every week this is on ESPN3.com.  Speaking of that, if you haven’t played the MLL fantasy game at pointstreak.com don’t bother because I’m going to win it in a landslide.  I’m in 4th right now and I’m going into first by the end of tomorrow’s game.  4th in the world.  Npot a league.  The world.  Hey, MLL thanks for canning me, now I can win your prizes.

This might be the slowest quarter of any MLL game I have ever seen.  Chance after chance saved with a desperation check or a backtracking defenseman – and that’s just the Cannons.

End of the second quarter, Cannons 3, Machine 0.  Oh joy, a Cannons dance team…number.  I’ll give it a 2.  Yes, that’s a scale.  No I won’t follow that with another joke.

Start of the second quarter…

Honestly this is like watching a blooper reel.  I’m keeping a Chicago “dropped ball” tally and starting it at 5, because that’s at least how many they have had up until this point.

13:18 and Ryan Boyle uses a pick from Kevin Buchanon to score with ease and get popped in the face.  Hey this is the MLL, you have to expect a beating when you make a move from X.  But it’s also Ryan Boyle so you have to expect a goal as a result.  Thuggery will get you nowhere. 4-0 Boston.

hey, where is Kenny Nims for the Machine?  He’s not even on the roster.

Dropped ball count: 6

Chicago Machine goal.  Bad D on the interior. 4-1 Machine. no, I won’t tell you who scored it.

Just told Kevin Buchanon that I made a facebook group to fire Hustle Simmons.  His face was a combination of horror, disbelief and morose.  I choose to think he was proud of me, though.  Come on, guys it’s a joke.  Lighten up.  I’ll delete it after the game.  Maybe.

11:00 Cannons goal by Kevin Buchanon – a Terrific diving effort through the crease. 5-1 Cannons and they go man up right away after Kevin Leveille get’s slash happy.  Another upset former Cannon.  Wah.

But he get’s his revenge and score with a fairly insane (but predictable) behind the back goal on the crease. 9:31. 5-2 MAH-Sheen.

Drop ball count: 7 for the Machine.

8.

8:03: Chris Rotelli – is this former Cannons night (?) – on a sweep left to right.  It’s 5-3 – Cannons call a timeout.

I have to say, the stadium is packed.  I expected a drop-off after opening night, but it seems like there are…MORE people here?

7:38 Matt Poskay scores after Boyle draws a double – it’s his 100th career goal.  Happy for Poskay, but he need’s a new nickname.  there’s nothing country about that guy other than the fact that he smells like a farm animal.  A clean farm animal, though – like a barn cat. Matt “The Barn Cat” Poskay.

5:46 Machine goal. Hey look, Chazz is on the field.  New Balance must called called him and told him to man up. 6-4

5:17: Cannons goal, Brad Ross right down the middle of the field.  I wish lacrosse had shot analysis of where the shots were taken during a game like the NBA or Internaitonal Soccer.  i’m pretty sure all of the Cannons shots are on the interior so far.  Like 10 feet and in. 7-4 Boston.

Can’t wait until halftime, I get to add pictures and youtube links.  And steal the interns’ food.

3:11: The Cannons pressure deep out of a timeout and pay for it as Chris Rotelli goes airborne and scores to wipe out a flag for holding.  7-5 Cannons.  Letting it slip a little.  Snap to.

Hey, when did Chris Rotelli get good again?  That’s definitely new.

2:29 Kevin Leveille scores off of a feed from his balding bro on the crease. 7-6.

Nervous.

Heim Rabil and Smitty on the same Midfield line.  No longer nervous.  12 seconds left and Rabil scores.  Gabel never saw the ball.

I’m starting an MVP chant in the pressbox.  Maybe next time.  Probably.

8-6 Cannons at the half.

Halftime links:

http://insidelacrosse.com/news/2010/05/22/ncaa-tourney-2010-quarterfinals-couch-blog Hey, Foy – my blog is how pick up games are won.

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/4/Best-Lacrosse-Goal-Ever-50-Yard-Goal-699142.html Yes, that WAS sick.

This is how you go - how you say - sans pantalones?

Goalie stats: Gabel: 4 saves, Kippie: 6 saves.  Last week Chicago had their keepers split time and Bud Petit go to play a half.  Looks like that was a one time thing because Gabel is back in net.

The third quarter is about to begin.

The Cannons are sticking with the Heim, Rabil, Smitty midfield line and it pays off as Poskay scores from a feed by Buchanon after the mdifield focussed far too much on on the perimeter.

13:45 Rabil scores again right down the middle.  Do MLL teams play zones?  I don’t know Margaret, I’m not god.  10-6 Cannons dominating.

I swear if another Cannons midfielder falls for McGlone going left ONE MORE TIME I’m going to throw my cmputer on to the field.  He hasn’t gone left since ‘Nam.

Machine Dropped ball count: 9.

McGlone on cue dives into the crease, lands and shoots and apparently it’s a goal.  We’re playing prison rules now.  10-7, Bostonians.

Lots of Cannons shooting, then thje real one shoots at the home endzone bnecasue Kevin Buchanon takes the ball himself form behind the net for his third goal of the game. It’s  11-7, but I have to be honest, Chicago is making it easy by switching defenders haphazardly all over the field.

Eck has split official face-off wins with Anthony Kelly on the stat sheet but he has been controlling where the ball goes with ease.  Cannons wing play needs Matt Casey back.

7:44 Paul Rabil scores – do you want to guess from where?  If you guessed right down the middle of the field you would be right.  Nice run.  Rabil looks..faster than last year?  Like, exponentially faster. 12-7 Cannons.

Oh no.  No.  He didn’t.  He did.  Brad Ross rips the ball from about 5 feet outside the 2 point arc and scores on a hapless Gabel. 14-7 after the two-point goal.  I’m out of names to describe the Canons so I’m just going to start using large caliber weapons to mean Cannons.

Matt Streibel just missed his fifth straight shot.  Just so you know.

Chicago Dropped ball count: 10.

chicago is hustting Rabil off…Wasting a pole on that…

Rabil just indian picked up the ball, put it behind his back – spun – then did it again.  I mean he threw the ball away, but that was the sickest play I’ve seen since last week’s Michael McDonald Goal.

Speaking of which…

I swear that’s the second to last time I use that joke.

Chicago dropped ball count: 11.

Hey, did you know that The Machine are on the road for the entire season?  This is me, giving you an out Machiners.  You’re welcome.

2:20 left in the third period. 27:20 left until that facebook page gets deleted, visit it while you can and know that /i actually did create that page and gotten comments.

The attendance is 10,615?  Team record.

Kip Turner kills all goodwill towards him and wanders out of the net.  Open net goal, Machine. 14-8 M4A1’s.

End of the third quarter.

Greg Downing gets smoked coming out of the box and gets scored on by Rotelli.  That’s just lazy.  14-9 – HAHAHAHA, Anthony Kelly just tried to shoot.  I’m sorry.  It’s not funny.  He’s a FOGO.

Machine dropped ball count: 12.  I want you to know why I’m keeping this stat: This is a professional lacrosse game.  You CANNOT DROP THE BALL more than 5-8 times.  You can’t.

12:22 Cannons score, Matt “The Barncat” Poskay scoops and shoots a rebound one handed right on the crease.  A penalty is called on Steve Whittenberg of the MAH-SHEEN and The Cannons are man up.

Things get testy after the Cannons call a timeout and Sweeney and Reid do a little talkin and shoving.  I imagine it was sort of like every fight I’ve ever seen in Massachusetts and New GHampshire

“Hit me first.”

“No you hit me first!”

“Come on, [dog/dude/bro/expletive] take a shot!”

**Walks away**

Aaaand scene.  Cannons man up takes about 15 seconds to score with 11:16 left in the game, “The Barncat” gets an easy one on the crease form Boyle.  Ryan Boyle doesn’t make up his own nickname.  I do, and I have dubbed him the Patchoulli Prince. Meet him.  You’ll see why.

10:25, Two pointer for the Machine.  16-11 Cannons with just under 10 minutes to go Chicago takes control of the ball.  McGlone scores.  Unbelievable.  Seriously. Unbelieveable.  He went right AGAIN. COME ON!  16-12.

8:59 Goal, Chciago/homeless rejects.

LISTEN TO ME. STOP. LETTING. MACHINE. PLAYERS. WALK. INTO. THE. CREASE.

Hey, 2009 Cannons. go away.  I want to see 2010 Cannons now.  Thanks.

8:39: Kyle Sweeney listens and hits a falling goal to silence the run. 17-13 HBAR’s.

8:00 Slash on Eck?  He has one leg, how can he slash someone?  He has to be NEAR them to SLASH them!

McGlone takes a bad shot from the top of the box.  Turner backs it up, but it gets thrown away and the Machine score at the 6:21 mark all even.  Mike Leveille scores with ease.  17-14.

Hey fans, you might want to stick around for the end of this game…

Furious end to end action and numerous slashes for both teams that just do not get called.  MLL refs; can’t beat em.

A gag order has been issued to me from on high to stop speaking about a certain bald white guy on the field.

My response:

2:01: Bill McGlone goes right again and feeds Chazz Woodson, who seems to be alllll better since his faux injury scare in the first half.  17-15.

Nervous again.

Boyle gets smashed in the face and tries to kill the penalty but passes ot Rabil who decides it’s a good idea to feed the middle.  with 34 seconds left in the shot clock.  The ball then gets turned over at midfield, but the Machine never get closer than a poor outlet.  Shade sof 2009 in there still – BD and the boys need to shake those off if they want to get to the Finals.

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2 Comments on “CANNONS VS. MACHINE: LIVEBLOG”

  1. The Big Gong Says:

    Kyle that was by far in a way the worst blog that you have ever written…you called Poskay a “Barn Cat”…a flippin barn cat, your better than that Kyle

    Until you can come up with a more comical/slightly relevant nickname for a play just crawl into a cave and don’t come out until the All-Star Game.

  2. Irish Mike Says:

    you shoulda put a return address on that blog cause you mailed it in.

    stick to articles, live blogging aint yo thang buddy


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